At 28, I worked in HR, travelled, and enjoyed my life. Then I got very sick.

I spent a few weeks in the hospital, started to recover, but then my health got much worse. My second hospital stay lasted a month and was during COVID. I lost weight, could hardly eat, and was always in pain. My colon was too damaged to save.

The doctors told me I needed surgery to make it through. The next day, I had emergency surgery. It was a life-or-death situation, and there was no other choice.

The First Few Months Were Really Hard

When I woke up from surgery, I didn't know what a stoma was or how to handle the bag. I couldn't bring myself to look at it. Every time I tried, I felt nauseous and would cry, confused about what was happening to my body.

The hardest part during that first month wasn't just the physical recovery. I struggled with how I saw myself and felt unattractive. I was weak from not walking for so long, and everything felt overwhelming.

I had trouble sleeping and needed pills just to get any rest. I was also dealing with withdrawal from pain medication. My output was unpredictable, and eating the wrong foods gave me painful gas. The adhesive irritated my skin, causing rashes and infections. The hospital sent me home with supplies that didn't work well or hide the bag.

I tried six different ostomy pouches before I found one that worked for me. Even then, my first choice caused a reaction at first. It took a few months for my skin to heal enough to use it again.

Naming Her Helped

During those first months, I watched a movie called Molly's Game. The main character was a strong woman who could handle anything. I decided to name my stoma Molly. It was a way to remind myself that I was strong, even when I didn't feel that way.

Getting Back Out There Took Time

It took a long time before I felt comfortable going out to restaurants with friends or being in public. I was especially nervous about swimming or using hot tubs because I worried people would see my bag.

When I finally went back to music festivals, I took Imodium to help control my output. I drank much more water than others because alcohol made me dehydrated quickly. There were many extra steps just to feel comfortable.

I've tried wearing crop tops, but I don't really like them. I choose clothes that make me comfortable and keep my bag hidden.

People Were Curious (Sometimes Too Curious)

The first people I told outside of medical staff and close family were my coworkers. Most were understanding and curious, but some asked questions that felt too personal. I worked with my counsellor to learn how to respond in ways that felt right for me.

Finding Community Changed Things

It took several months before I met other people with ostomies. I felt very alone, like no one understood. During COVID, in-person meetings weren't possible, but once things improved, people were open to phone calls and eventually meeting up.

I was nervous before my first meeting with other ostomates. Having my husband with me made it easier.

When It Started Feeling Normal

It took at least six months before ostomy care stopped feeling overwhelming. I still thought about it a lot and had to plan ahead, but I became quicker at changing my pouch, and it didn't take over every moment.

What I'd Tell My 28-Year-Old Self

If I could go back to that hospital bed, I would tell myself: You are strong. You deserve love, health, and happiness. You can get through this, and you will make it to the other side.

The journey will be long, but you can do this. I honestly wish I had known about ostomy surgery sooner.

I was very hard on myself about how long recovery took. I wish someone had told me to be patient and gentle with my body. It went through a lot. Healing takes time, and that's okay.